a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
