either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
