My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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