Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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