it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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