before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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