Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
