You really coming over, don't trick.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
