Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
