After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
