you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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