she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
