My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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