my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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