wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
