whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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