the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
