If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
