You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
