Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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