$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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