I'm eating all of the evidence.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
