What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
