He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
