So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
