tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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