are you still at the devil's house?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
