You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
