i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
