i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
