Are we in a gay sports bar?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
