You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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