living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
