You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
