I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
