This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
