she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
