I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
