I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
