You smell like a Billy Joel song
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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