I just gift wrapped bread.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
