I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
