Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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