Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
