Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
