i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
