The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
