One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
