a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
