I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
