went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
