Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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