I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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