dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
