I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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