My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
