a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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