Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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