When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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