Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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