had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
